I didn’t start this pregnancy out leaning one way or another. All my life, I wanted boys. Having only brothers, I felt I knew boys. I often felt very guarded in my female relationships and was not, as a child, incredibly comfortable in my relationship with my mom. I even envied my brothers' relationships with her. I thought boys would be more fun and allow for a more action filled lifestyle. But that changed the moment I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Maybe it had been shifting before that, but the change of heart needed the positive pregnancy test to be revealed. Once I became pregnant, I had an indescribable desire for a daughter. By that time, I’d experienced a few deep and wonderful female friendships and I’d started to feel that my relationship with my mom was growing into something incredibly beautiful. I would have been very happy with a boy too, but for the first time in my life, I strongly desired daughters. Now that I have two, I can’t imagine a life without daughters. I’m pretty sure if I eventually have sons, I will feel the same way about them too. Children are like no other gift.
I was rather proud of myself at the beginning of this pregnancy for being able to honestly say I didn’t care one way or another whether or not this third one was a girl or a boy. I’m not sure if other people sensed the pride in my voice, but really I thought an awful lot of myself for being able to honestly say I didn’t care. But, probably because I need to be humbled a bit, a few things have made me begin to lean once more towards wanting a girl.
First, although we have final agreed upon a boy name, I am much more confident in our girl name choice. I am the type of person who must prepare and imagine myself living a situation beforehand if I am going to have any hope of being confident in that situation. For some reason, knowing the sex and having a name, allow me to feel like I’ve begun bonding with this new human. Names are very important to me.
Second, I now know girls. I have a whole bunch of girl clothes and girl toys. My girl-parenting has already begun and another girl is something I can more easily imagine.
Boys used to scare me with their dare devil/destructive habits. But my second daughter, who's grandpa nicknamed "Ave-the-Destroyer" or "A.D." for short, was crawling at 5 months, walking at 7 months (almost 8 months) and climbing out of her crib at 10 months. Yesterday she climbed to the top, back of the couch and onto the window sill. She just turned one year old, but she's still under 18 lbs, so its sometimes shocking to see the places in and on which she can get herself. Her doctor told me that they had found a correlation between early walkers and future extreme sports participants. So, I feel that I’ve come to terms with the fact that at least one of my babies may be in the ER a few times.
But, thirdly, and this is the one that still seriously concerns me about having boys, is the question of circumcision. Mm-hmm.
So, I guess my leaning this time around is mostly based out of the fear of being unprepared. I feel slightly unsure about our boy name, less experienced with boy parenting, and terrified that I will regret my decision on circumcision. Since we are not planning on stopping at three and I do very much want a son/sons, I feel that these fears must inevitably be faced head on at some point even if this particular baby turns out to be of the female persuasion.
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